I wore my Sad Sweater yesterday.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I figured if I was to Be Present for the month of December, why should it only be during moments of joy. That wouldn't be truthful or authentic to what life sometimes gives us, no matter how many positive vibes we send out to the universe. So I decided to share whatever came my way. Good or bad.
This particular piece of clothing was named 'the Sad Sweater' because I only wore it on sad occasions. It never came out of the closet for any other reason. I could not bring myself to wear it out any other time.
I never went out looking to purchase a sweater for such an occasion, this particular sweater just happened to be the one I chose. It may not look like much but it's a beautiful sweater. I feel secure and protected in this sweater like nothing can get in. It's my armour for when I need to battle Sadness. When the battle is complete, I fold it away and hope it doesn't need to come out anytime soon.
How odd that a piece of clothing can bring about feelings of security and protection?
But my goal for this month and my wish for our family these days is to Be Present in the moments. During these days of Being PRESENT, I have been examining my thoughts and feelings in new ways. Making sure that I truly feel the moments happening in my life.
All of the moments, the good and the not so good.
So, that brings me back to the sweater...
My coat of armour...
As vulnerable as I feel on the outside, I am protected on the inside.
"What an interesting thought" I said to my Self. (I am rightfully able to refer to myself as Self after all...)
If we can only have one feeling in any one moment, I get to choose what those feeling are. I can recognize it for what it is and accept those feelings. I can examine those feelings. I can feel those feelings.
I can ignore those feelings and put them away in the back of my mind which I have become quite proficient at in the past. How many times do we put those thoughts and feelings away only to discover that they are always there lingering?
Today was different.
I put on the Sad Sweater, and in that particular moment I was okay with my feelings. Because this was a sad time and if I accepted my feelings and my thoughts, I would be able to move past that moment.
I wore the sweater and was complimented on how beautiful it was.
When I mentioned that this was my Sad Sweater, what a shame I thought that I had relinquished to wearing it only for sad occasions. But like any moment that I have, I examined the thought in a different way and changed that thought.
It was no longer the Sad Sweater but a special uniform to recognize the moments that this sweater and I had shared. The special people that it stood for. The fond memories it carried only for them.
How special I thought. Something only for them. At the end of the day, I lovingly folded it up and put it in its special place in the closet. It is now the Special Sweater because that is what BEing Present felt like.